did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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