Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
you traded sex for a burrito?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
