Yo dont text me then not text me
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
