Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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