Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
