What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
