K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
wat bout pragnant strippers??
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
