i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize