I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
