I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
