please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize