You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
