I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
