Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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