Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
