So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
