when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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