You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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