Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
