I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
