was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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