You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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