who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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