those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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