No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
