Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
