I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
