youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
