She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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