is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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