Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
