Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
