I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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