what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
