she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
