That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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