Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize