awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
