I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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