his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
