She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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