I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
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