i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
