Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
