i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
