wakey wakey hands off snakey
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
