Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
