My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
