her vagine was all disorganized.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
