dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
