I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
