is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize