Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
