how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
