After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
