so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
