no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
