I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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