you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
