I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Randomize
