You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Randomize
