I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize