i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
