I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
