I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
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