Your face is a jimmy john
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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