so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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