Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
ttyl tear gas
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize