I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
