I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
