I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Randomize
