God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Randomize