Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
